Leadership Flagship

Just Wait

February 3, 2018

by Stuart Perkins

They await me. Even though I’m on vacation, they’re begging me to come back.

And I will.

Back to the harried rush of meetings. Deadlines. Anxiety. Lengthy agendas listing tedious tasks. Obnoxious lights blinking on a phone full of messages. All imperative, all immediate, all demanding. Pushing to answer email, now scrambling to copy. Faxing this, scanning that. Phone ringing again. Dread. The desk is too small. The piles are too big. Paperwork. Staying late, working late, fighting the commute.

Frenzy of the morning crush. Back to the frantic mess. Filing, shredding, phone blaring again. Tension. Late for a conference call. Rules have changed, reworking it all. They need it now. No, never mind. Wasted effort. Stress. This is urgent, get it done. Due date yesterday. Panic. Waiting for the next emergencies. And I know they’re out there even when I can’t see them.

Stop, brain!

I’m on vacation, remember.

Breathe…

Seagulls soared on a balmy breeze and laughed at gentle waves below. Easy rays of morning sun warmed my face as I smiled at the silly birds. Surrounded by the sweet briny smell of ocean air I watched dolphins leap in placid swells as water sparkled and rolled from their backs. I eased my head against the comfortable canvas chair. A slow parade of cheerful white clouds sailed silently overhead.

Pelicans flew in a graceful line, gliding just above the salty surface. Their synchronized wings were mesmerizing. Shorebirds made soft sounds dancing down the beach just ahead of the tide. Tiny crabs shuffled daintily across powdery soft sand and occasionally a fish jumped just offshore. Further in the distance a splash, then the massive fluke of a whale. All of these things were magical. And I know they’re out there even when I can’t see them.

They’ll await me. Even when I’m at work, they’ll be begging me to come back.

And I will.

Stuart M. Perkins
Is Comparing Your Life to Others’ Making You Unhappy?

February 3, 2018
by Candace N. Bisram (Reprinted with permission)
Someone recently said to me, “The main reason for my unhappiness is because everyone around me is doing so much with their lives and I’m just stuck where I am.”

Many people bring this “unhappiness” on themselves by comparing their life to others’. They see people around them getting married, having kids, buying new houses, taking vacations, driving fancy cars or getting new promotions, and they compare it to their life.

Comparing your life to someone else’s based on what you see from the outside is bound to make you feel unfulfilled and unhappy about your own life. Especially with the advent of social media where people portray ‘virtual lives’ that don’t even exist in the real world. Here’s what you should know about comparing your life to others’:

People may look happy on the outside, but you have no idea what struggles they might be dealing with on the inside.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Don’t compare someone else’s middle to your beginning.

You have your own unique life story to write. There is no blueprint to how life “should” be lived.

There will always be someone with more than you; similarly you will always have more than someone.

Someone else will trade lives with you in a heartbeat, so be grateful for the one you got.

When you consistently compare your life to others, it diminishes your own.

Everyone was dealt a different hand in life; so instead of comparing, make the most out of the cards you were dealt, stay in your lane, and work towards making you and your life, the best possible.
Servant Leadership – How Meeting the Needs of Your Team Can Make You a More Effective Leader

February 1, 2018
A good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly to do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better.– Jim Rohn, American entrepreneur.

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Why Servant Leadership?

Through servant leadership, your team learns to trust you, knowing that you are “there for them.” Simply checking in often to see how they are, and by helping them develop the skills they need to advance their careers, even if this means that they may move on, are some of the most rewarding servant leadership aspects-it creates a win:win situation!

Make an effort to see situations from others’ perspectives and base your decisions with the team’s best interests in mind–ensure that everyone has the resources and knowledge they need to meet their objectives.

As a result , your team will be one of the most successful in the department, with low staff turnover and high engagement. People don’t leave their jobs…they leave their managers. By exercising some of these practices, chances are that your team will stay with you.

In this article, we explore what servant leadership is, and the advantages it can bring you as a leader. We’ll also look at situations where it isn’t appropriate.

What Is Servant Leadership?

Robert K. Greenleaf first coined the phrase “servant leadership” in his 1970 essay, “The Servant as a Leader.” However, it’s an approach that people have used for centuries.

As a servant leader, you’re a “servant first” – you focus on the needs of others, especially team members, before you consider your own. You acknowledge other people’s perspectives, give them the support they need to meet their work and personal goals, involve them in decisions where appropriate, and build a sense of community within your team. This leads to higher engagement, more trust, and stronger relationships with team members and other stakeholders. It can also lead to increased innovation.

Servant leadership is not a leadership style or technique as such. Rather it’s a way of behaving that you adopt over the longer term. It complements democratic leadership styles, and it has similarities with Transformational Leadership – which is often the most effective style to use in business situations – and Level 5 Leadership – which is where leaders demonstrate humility in the way they work.

However, servant leadership is problematic in hierarchical, autocratic cultures where managers and leaders are expected to make all the decisions. Here, servant leaders may struggle to earn respect.

Important:

Remember that servant leadership is about focusing on other people’s needs – not their feelings. Don’t avoid making unpopular decisions or giving team members negative feedback when this is needed.

Also, do not rely on it exclusively – use it alongside styles like Transformational Leadership, where you develop an inspiring vision of the future, motivate people to deliver this, manage its implementation, and build an ever-stronger team.

How to Become a Servant Leader

According to Larry C. Spears, former president of the Robert K. Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership, these are the 10 most important characteristics of servant leaders:
1. Listening
2. Empathy
3. Healing
4. Awareness
5. Persuasion
6. Conceptualization
7. Foresight
8. Stewardship
9. Commitment to the growth of people
10. Building community
From “Character and Servant Leadership: 10 Characteristics of Effective, Caring Leaders” by Larry C. Spears, published in “The Journal of Virtues and Leadership,” Vol. 1, Issue 1. Reproduced with permission.

Once you’ve decided to prioritize other people’s needs over your own in the long term, you can work on developing your skills in each area. Let’s look at how you can do this.

1. Listening

You’ll serve people better when you make a deep commitment to listening intently to them and understanding what they’re saying. To improve your listening skills, give people your full attention, take notice of their body language, avoid interrupting them before they’ve finished speaking, and give feedback on what they say.

2. Empathy

Servant leaders strive to understand other people’s intentions and perspectives. You can be more empathetic by putting aside your viewpoint temporarily, valuing others’ perspectives, and approaching situations with an open mind.

3. Healing

This characteristic relates to the emotional health and “wholeness” of people, and involves supporting them both physically and mentally.

First, make sure that your people have the knowledge, support and resources they need to do their jobs effectively, and that they have a healthy workplace. Then take steps to help them be happy and engaged in their roles.

You could also use a tool such as the Triple Bottom Line to think about how your organization can make a positive impact on the people you lead and the customers you serve.

4. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to look at yourself, think deeply about your emotions and behavior, and consider how they affect the people around you and align with your values.

You can become more self-aware by knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and asking for other people’s feedback on them. Also, learn to manage your emotions, so that you consider how your actions and behavior might affect others.

5. Persuasion

Servant leaders use persuasion – rather than their authority – to encourage people to take action. They also aim to build consensus in groups so that everyone supports decisions.

There are many tools and models that you can use to be more persuasive, without damaging relationships or taking advantage of others. You should also build your expert power – when people perceive you as an expert, they are more likely to listen to you when you want to persuade or inspire them.

6. Conceptualization

This characteristic relates to your ability to “dream great dreams,” so that you look beyond day-to-day realities to the bigger picture.

If you’re a senior leader in your company, work through and develop a robust organizational strategy. Then, whatever level you’re at, create mission and vision statements for your team, and make it clear how people’s roles tie in with your team’s and organization’s long-term objectives. Also, develop long-term focus so that you stay motivated to achieve your more distant goals, without getting distracted.
Your Health Matters: What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

January 28, 2018
by JEANINE BARONE
Many of us possess at least a touch of narcissism. And with the advent of social media, what might once have been considered pretty self-obsessed behavior—for instance, repeatedly taking photos of oneself (a.k.a. the “selfie”)and posting them online for public viewing—has become not only culturally acceptable but even expected, at least in some circles.

But there’s narcissism, and then there’s narcissistic personality disorder, which is a mental health condition. The campaign and election of Donald J. Trump has brought the latter to an unprecedented level of national prominence—largely due to numerous mental health professionals who have stepped forward to say they believe the president exhibits the hallmark traits of this disorder.

One group of such professionals, led by a former psychiatry professor at Johns Hopkins University, recently formed an organization called Duty to Warn, a term that refers to a counselor’s or therapist’s responsibility to warn authorities or other third parties if a client poses a threat to himself/herself or another identifiable person. (It’s one of the few cases in which a mental health professional can breach client confidentiality.)

The group’s Facebook page, which has more than 4,700 members, describes it as “a society dedicated to the proposition that Donald Trump is too seriously mentally ill to competently discharge his duties as president and must be removed according to the 25th Amendment.” Another group of almost three dozen mental health professionals signed a letter to the editor published in TheNew York Times in early 2017, affirming their belief that “the grave emotional instability indicated by Mr. Trump’s speech and actions makes him incapable of serving safely as president.” Such claims have met with some controversy—see inset below. [Editors note: In January 2018, the White House physician announced that the president passed a standard test for memory and cognition as part of his medical checkup; such tests do not assess personality disorders, however.]

What exactly is narcissistic personality disorder, and how is it different from mere self-centeredness? Here’s a concise guide to this now-newsworthy condition.

What is a personality disorder and how is it different from personality?

Personality consists of a number of traits that together make each of us different in terms of our attitudes and values, how we interact with others and perceive ourselves. Personality also affects our expectations and reactions in different situations, including how we react to stress and how we solve problems. Just because, for example, some people are self-involved—which might lead us to colloquially label them “narcissists”—doesn’t mean they have narcissistic personality disorder.

Personality disorders are different from personality traits in that they cause significant distress or impairment in one’s personal, social, or occupational functioning. People with personality disorders often experience great difficulty and emotional pain in dealing with interpersonal relationships, starting as early as childhood.

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by grandiosity, an urgent need for attention and praise, superficial interpersonal relationships, and a lack of empathy. People with the disorder think the “world revolves around them” and see themselves as superior to others despite not necessarily having the skills or attributes to meet their grandiose claims. Other hallmark traits include being manipulative and blaming others for things that go wrong. People with severe narcissistic personality disorder can become aggressive or angry seemingly out of the blue, but particularly when others don’t agree with their own outsized view of themselves.

As with other personality disorders, evidence suggests that both genetics (“nature”) and environmental factors (“nurture”) are involved. Upbringing seems to play a significant role.

How is narcissistic personality disorder diagnosed?

According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-5 (considered the “bible” of mental illness diagnosis), a person can be diagnosed as having narcissistic personality disorder if he or she exhibits at least five of the following nine characteristics. The traits must be stable over time and across different life situations:

A great desire to be the center of attention

Lack of empathy

Relationships that are based on exploitation or are superficial

Feelings of being exceptional or superior to others

Envy of other people, or feeling that he or she is envied by others

Arrogance

A sense of entitlement

The belief that he or she is special

A fantasy that he or she has unlimited power or brilliance

In addition to the DSM criteria, clinicians may also rely on any of several personality tests to help diagnose narcissistic personality disorder, as well as to determine if other personality disorders are also present.
Can Work Friends Become Real Friends?

January 25, 2018

Friendship and colleagues:Can workplace bonds cut it in the real world?

Oct 7th 2016

This article is part of our Change Generation project, supported by KBC. To read more click here.

MAKING FRIENDS AT WORK can be a tricky business.

As we get older, we spend more time with work colleagues and less with even our closest friends outside work. Due to shared experiences and proximity, meaningful workplace relationships are often formed. But, is it a good idea to have close friendships with potential rivals for promotion?

The answer to this is both ‘yes’ and ’no’, so say the experts.

Research from various sources including Gallup, suggests that workplace friendships are positive and provide ‘support and sociability’. Furthermore, a friendly workplace has been linked with a more productive workplace.

Blurred boundaries?

However there are some downsides, such as blurred boundaries between the work role and the friendship role.

Annette Clancy is an Assistant Professor of Management at UCD College of Business. She told TheJournal.ie that some workplaces are ideal for meeting friends and in many businesses it is encouraged.

You already have similar interests, there are lots of opportunities for ‘small talk’, there’s a built-in social factor and let’s face it, it’s inevitable that you will form friendships when you are with people for eight hours a day.

“In addition, many organisations consciously promote workplace friendships by investing resources in organised ‘fun’ at work.”

There are negative outcomes to making friends in the office though. Clancy says blurred boundaries can result in some prioritising friendships in the workplace over the work itself.

“Friendships can cause distractions, anxieties and diminished work performance – particularly if an intimate relationship comes to an end.

What if a friend gets promoted ahead of you?

“Another major factor here is when one person is promoted ahead of his or her friend and this changes the power dynamic between people. Our friends expect us to show favouritism and special treatment and a promotion challenges this unspoken dynamnic.”

Psychologist Niamh Fitzpatrick told theJournal.ie the main thing to consider when forming personal relationships at work is that you are an employee first and a friend second.

“You do need to pay your rent, you do need to pay your mortgage and so when it comes to work be professional first. Make sure that whatever is going on with a friendship in the office, that your most important priority when it comes to work is that you’re doing your job.”

Research from Lancaster University in Britain found that even in situations where people have very little in common, coping with a high-stress workplace can lead to colleagues becoming best friends.

Friendships can impact productivity

Lead researcher on that study Dr Anne Cronin told TheJournal.ie that there are positives and negatives to such relationships.

Friendships between colleagues not only offer emotional and practical support for individuals, but contribute to a good working environment which benefits organisations. However, when friends at work fall out, the resulting tense atmosphere can sour the work environment and impact upon productivity.

Dr Cronin says workplace friendships do often translate into ’real world’, supportive friendships, especially in stressful work environments.

“The intensified demands of work in today’s society mean that people spend longer per day in the workplace and face increasing stresses, so the workplace comes to be a larger proportion of an individual’s ‘real life’ and friends at work therefore play an increasingly important role.”

Annette Clancy also thinks these strong work friendships can make it in real-world – with a bit of work.

Standing the test of time

“If all of your social time is taken up with processing what has gone on in work then it is likely that the relationship won’t stand the test of time. The boundary between work and social life needs to be negotiated and protected.”

Having a friend who understands the work environment can be helpful, particularly if you need to sound off about something. Clancy says there are a few questions you need to ask yourself first though.

“Do you see your friend as a co-worker or, as somebody with an independent life of their own, with different interests, different political views and different cohorts of friends of their own? How does this make you feel?

Can you invite friends – and their friends – to social occasions without talking about work?

“This is more work than maintaining friendships just at work, but it can be incredibly rewarding if you can hold the boundary.”